I Listen to the Silence
by Obi the Kid
Summary: 3 days post TPM, Qui comforts Obi one last time.


Title: I Listen to the Silence  
Author: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)  
Rating: G  
Summary: Obi POV. Non-Slash. Takes place 3 days after Qui-Gon's death on Naboo.   
Archive: Please ask me.  
Feedback: Always in need of it!! Thanks!  
Disclaimer: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.  
  
  
Special Notes: I need to take this opportunity to thank my loyal readers, who write me EVERYTIME I post...you guys know who you are. I can't thank you enough for you comments, suggestions and encouragement. Thank you!!  
  
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I Listen to the Silence  
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Three days have passed since your death. The celebrations of victory are complete. The feeling of joy is all around. I do not feel that. I feel only emptiness in my life where you used to be. That place in my consciousness where your signature once was, is now silent. I miss that comforting presence that made me feel safe.   
  
I listen to the silence and wonder how I function with its monotonous sound. There is nothing there, yet there is. When you died, part of my own self did as well. I didn't know how connected we were, until there was only silence left in your wake.  
  
Everyone has been generous in their offerings. They tell me how sorry they are for my loss and how they understand how painful it must be. I know they mean well, but how can they understand how I feel? Have they lost the only parent they have ever known? Have they lost the one person that meant everything to them? Do they understand the shock that I know now? This silence that is so deafening?   
  
I listen to the silence and reach out for what we once had. I miss you Master. More that you will ever know. I don't want my world to be silent. I want to laugh and live again. Will I ever be able to do that? I haven't cried since I held you in my arms as you died. I need to cry. I need to release this pent up anger and frustration that I feel. But there is no one there to help me. No one who can offer the shoulder that I need to cry on. You were always there. If I could see you just once more, just long enough to say goodbye. Why did you leave me Master? I don't believe that is was the will of the Force. There is peace with the Force, not the pain that I am suffering. If only I could hear you one last time. Be comforted by you again. Perhaps then, this awful silence would fade.  
  
I listen to the silence and know that it is forever. I need to let go. I need to move on. How can I do that? How do I just forget what you meant in my life? I can't let your memory go. I don't want to let you go. I want you at my side again. I want to walk in your shadow once more. I want to follow two steps behind. I want you in my life. I want this sickening silence to end. Please Master; let me hear your voice once more. This is not how it was supposed to end. How can I go return home knowing that less than a week ago, you sat in that chair, you slept in that bed...you stood at my side. The silence will be even more intense. I need help Master. I don't think that I can do this. I am not ready to train Anakin. I am not ready for what you ask of me.   
  
I listen to the silence and for a brief second, I think I hear your voice. Is that you master? Where are you? Don't leave me again. Please. I want to say goodbye, tell you that I love you. You are my father and best friend. Can't you stay just a bit longer? Help me adjust to this...this silence?   
  
I listen to the silence and it speaks to me. It is you master. Your calming voice and your soothing presence. I feel your hand on my shoulder. You tell me that it's okay for me to cry for what I've lost. You say that you will always be with me. You offer that should I ever need you, all I need do is find that place in my heart where your memories and your lessons will be kept. You are there, and will always be. I finally get my chance to say goodbye. I love you Master. I will always be with you and I will see you again when my time here is done. I will remember your teachings and your kindness. The dignity with which you carrried yourself. And I will miss you for as long as I live.   
  
I listen to the silence and it fades slightly. I know it will never completely disappear. It will always be a reminder of you. As I enter the apartment I shared with you for the last 13 years of my life, I feel the silence weigh heavily on me. Yet now, there is a comfort with it that was not there before. I know now that the silence means that you are with me. I can close my eyes and feel that you are near. I am so tired master. I haven't slept in days.   
  
I enter your bedroom, which now belongs to me. I will allow Anakin to take the one I have lived in for so many years. Memories flood my mind, one after the other. Memories of our life together. When I was hurt, you were there to comfort me. When I was scared, you where there to hold me. When I needed to cry, you offered your shoulder. You laughed with me, yet you were strict about my training. Everything I learned, I learned from you. Everything that I am, I owe to you.   
  
As I throw myself onto the bed, immediately a sense of peace flows through me. I settle myself, allowing deep calming breaths to chase away the sobs that threaten. Closing my eyes, I reach out for you one last time. Sleep is close at hand.  
  
I listen to the silence once more, and as I do, I know that you are at my side. The last thing I feel as the unconscious world takes it hold on me, is the comfort of your strong arms pulling me into a safe embrace. As I drift off...finally I allow myself to cry. You are there once again, when I needed you the most.  
  
Now, I listen to the silence, and it only brings peace.  
  
END  



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